Monday, October 3, 2011

Number 22

Amidst no pomp and celebration I turned 22 yesterday. I expected to feel a little mature but I didn't. I thought I would have achieved self-actualization by now. But I didn't. I went to sleep as a 21 year old and woke up feeling the same. I then realized that ever since I turned 18 I've been cribbing about wonderful things happening in my life. Every October first I waited for celebrations and acknowledgments. The fact that neither of those happened is not the point. But I never stopped expecting. I always visualized how it would be to turn eighteen. Then, when nothing happened I fantasized about turning nineteen and so on and so forth. Every year I expected my life to turn around for the better. Every year, until this year, I was hyperactive a whole week before my birthday. I don't know what exactly I wanted to happen but I never stopped expecting and most, if not all of those expectations led to disappointment.

This year I told myself that I wouldn't expect anything. I did not call up friends and remind them that it was my birthday. I played it cool. The next morning I woke up with nothing to do. I glided through the entire day without any sort of expectations. That is when I learnt that once you don't expect anything you are never disappointed. It really hurts when you expect and yearn for things to happen but are left disappointed. This year I saved myself the disappointment that had played a pretty major part in my life all these years.

I learnt that once you don't expect anything nothing can disappoint you. You many not be happy but you aren't disappointed either. For a person like me who has been let down so many times in my life this was the realization that I've been searching for. This post may seem like a pretty sad one to write on a birthday but understanding this actually made me a little more wiser.

The past year has actually been pretty good to me. The happiest moment was when I passed my Anna University exams. I was always doubtful if I would pass my last semester but God decided that I had suffered enough of Engineering. Just seeing those six 'P's in the tabular column made my year. 

The past year was the most fun I've had compared to my four years of Engineering. I met some really wonderful people and did some truly awesome things. I don't think there is a single thing that I would like to change about the past year. 

I am terrible at concluding a post so I'll just end with : "Happy birthday, Zarine! You are awesome."





I have definitely achieved self-praising.

10 comments:

Tharani said...

Happy happy birthday Zarine..
At 22, you have quite a maturity.. May God give all happiness and the 22nd year of your life turn out to be the most wonderful one...

Zarine Mohideen said...

Thank you so much! :)

I love your blog, Tharini!

PeeVee said...

A belated birthday wish sent your way, Zarine.
And not being hyper the whole week before your birthday is what's called having grown up - a state I have yet to achieve.

:) Have a blessed year ahead!

Zarine Mohideen said...

Thanks Priyanka! :)
I hope you never grow up. And I mean that in a good way!

nmaha said...

Hi there Zarine, happy belated b'day. Found your blog through NaNoWriMo. I have learnt the same lesson over the last decade, however, I still don't really feel very mature when it comes to my birthday :-)

Pooja said...

Hey! Found your blog through NaNoWriMo.

Your blog posts are so relatable! I've always been a victim of expectations. For some reason, I can never stop hoping and dreaming and wishing. Oh well. Belated happy birthday! :)

Zarine Mohideen said...

@Nmaha : Thank you!

@Pooja : Hello! Thanks for the compliment! NaNoWriMo is an awesome project. This will be my first time. What about you?

Pooja said...

Yeah, it is awesome! You'll be sure to have a blast and a great first experience :) It's my fourth time but I didn't have the motivation to give it my all most years excepting 2009 when I hit 50k! But in their own way, all years have been equally great. My brother's also WriMoing this year, so I'm psyched!

Do you know what you're going to be writing about? I'm yet to form a coherent plot. My end-semesters start in 13 days but they end by November.

Zarine Mohideen said...

I have a million ideas circling my head but I'm yet to choose one and work on it. It's kinda freaking me out!

Oh good luck for your exams! I'm done with college so at least I don't have that to worry about :)

Nia said...

Happy Birthday Zarine. 22 is just a number. Hope you had a great birthday! You've got some good write ups there!

Do visit my blog when you're free.
http://thevaguelife.blogspot.com/

Will tune in to your blog :)