A friend of mine just came over to invite me for her wedding. It's been a good six months since college finished and I can't believe how far we've all come. Some are getting married, some are doing exceptionally in their jobs and some, like me, are waiting for a lucky break. College feels like it happened in a different life. It feels like it happened eons ago and what I can remember is surrounded by a haze. I talk like its been years since I passed out but, eerily enough not even a year has passed since. College is generally a place where people "find themselves". But for me it was about finding just a "part" of me.
At times I'm filled with regret because I spent too much time hating what I did. I regret that I didn't give myself a chance to like what I did. I spent a lot of time and energy in vehemently disliking anything and everything that came with my course. At this point in my life I feel like I could have done better. I could have studied harder but even I know that its a lost cause. I tried really hard to be better, academically. I failed. And Anna University gave me many more tries. Then, I passed. It was probably the single most happiest moment in my life, passing in something I never liked to begin with. But if that had never happened I would have a very different life right now.
When we were in college my partner in crime and I, we used to imagine a bright, new exciting life waiting for us as soon as we were done with these four years of formal education. But the first few weeks after college ended I experienced severe withdrawal symptoms. My body wanted to wake up at 7 'o' clock and run behind a bus. I had to have some college tea in my system. I even missed the doughy bread bajjis that reeked with oil. I missed texting from the last bench. I missed the constant bitching with the aforementioned partner in crime. I missed writing "apology" and "permission" letters. I missed the afternoon meals that tasted terrible in first year but awesome in final year. I missed doing fake demos for projects and fighting over which font to use for ppts. I wanted to relive the terrible presentations that we did. But most of all I missed my friends.
I know that I can never go back to those wonderful times and all I have are memories and pictures. I entered college as a much skinnier 17 year old and I left as a wiser, more well rounded 21 year old. I may not have "found myself" in college. I know that will take me a few more years but I definitely feel much smarter in the "life" department. Every time I talk about being wiser or much sensibler than I was in the past, this song by U2 always comes to mind - "City of Blinding Lights" (which is incidentally the song that inspired the name for this blog) where Bono says, "The more you see, the less you know. The less you find out as you go. I knew much more than I do now. "
College may not have given me the experiences I wished for but it did give me the life lessons that I needed. And in the bargain also gives me a degree in Engineering which, if you ask me, is a pretty good deal!